When someone you love stops drinking, it can change everyday moments, from family gatherings to casual conversations. These changes can also impact your relationship. If you’re not sure exactly what to say or do to be supportive, it’s okay. Showing up is the most important first step. Being present and willing to learn can make a big difference in your loved one’s recovery journey.
What is Alcohol Use Disorder?
Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a medical condition that is characterized by impaired ability to control alcohol use despite negative consequences from drinking. AUD occurs on a spectrum that can be mild, moderate or severe.
Advice from Someone in Long-term Recovery
Just as there is no one perfect way to recover from AUD, there is no one perfect way to support people in recovery. That’s good news, though. There are so many ways you can show up to offer encouragement and care as loved ones transform their health and wellbeing. For recommendations, we talked to SOBRsafe Strategic Consultant Laura Herrmann, who has been in recovery for nearly 20 years. Here’s her advice.
Be Positive and Constructive
Most people with an AUD diagnosis have caused damage to themselves or others while drinking, and sometimes their loved ones are tempted to bring up that damage to prevent them from using alcohol. As someone who has been through recovery herself, Herrmann recommends a different approach.
“What really helps is if you have supportive people around you,” Hermann says, “People who are there for you if you are struggling, who can give you tools, and who have a real understanding of the disease and the kind of support that makes a difference.”
Being supportive means focusing on the positive. “Instead of constantly reminding the person of all the bad they did when they were drinking, focus on the courage it takes to create change and how far they have come,” Herrmann says.
Celebrating effort, consistency or honest communication tends to reinforce positive change far more effectively than criticism ever could. Blame and shame can make recovery harder by increasing stress and secrecy, but encouragement helps build the confidence and trust necessary for long-term change.
When you celebrate your loved ones’ wins, you show them you’re on their team and help build momentum toward their next milestone.
Form a Team of Recovery Support
When someone you love is in recovery, it can be tempting to feel like you need to be everything: the cheerleader, the accountability partner, the watchdog and the fixer. In reality, that’s exhausting and not very effective. Recovery from AUD is usually stronger when supported by more than one person or approach. The most effective treatments for AUD include behavioral health counseling or therapy, coaching and participation in peer-support groups, and sometimes medication. Studies also show that higher levels of social support make people more likely to make a strong, lasting recovery.
“If you can get a family or a loved one involved in the recovery journey, there's a much better success rate for that person to stay in recovery and not relapse,” Herrmann says.
Different people offer different kinds of support. One person might be great at listening. Another might help with treatment logistics. Someone else might bring encouragement, humor or wise perspective from having walked the recovery journey themselves.
Building a diverse team of wraparound support helps ensure your loved one isn’t relying on just one relationship to meet all their emotional and practical needs, and it also takes pressure off you to be their sole source of support.
Offer Recovery Options without Pushing
You can share tools and resources without being “pushy” or giving unsolicited advice. Recovery works best when the person feels a sense of choice and ownership over their path.
“It’s up to the person themselves to decide whether individual therapy, family therapy or a particular peer-support group is right for them, but recovery often includes other layers, too,” Herrmann says. “Wraparound support might involve a recovery coach and a family coach, for example. There’s often a lot of repair that needs to happen.”
Some families also find that alcohol monitoring can be an important part of wraparound support. Wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet like SOBRsure is a constant reminder of the commitment to stay alcohol-free. It also helps rebuild trust, which is a key ingredient of successful recovery.
“What we found with alcohol monitoring that's really helpful is that it takes away that suspicion, that feeling where every time the person walks in the door, you're sniffing their breath or you’re worried about them when they're driving,” Herrmann says. “An alcohol monitoring bracelet can be a lifesaver with that, because not only does it show the loved ones that the person is staying true to their recovery and not drinking, but it also gives the person themselves the ability to say, ‘Look, I can prove to you that I'm okay. I have this on, I wear it with pride, and, as you can see, I'm not drinking.’”
Get Support for Yourself, Too
Supporting someone in recovery can be stressful. Keep in mind that you don’t have to carry that alone. Peer support groups like Al-Anon offer support specifically for friends and family of people with AUD. Sometimes it feels safer to share your stories and get advice from someone who has walked in your shoes, and Al-Anon meetings are filled with people who bring the lived experience of supporting loved ones in recovery. Therapy and trusted friends can also help you process your own feelings honestly and safely.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s part of being able to show up in a steady, healthy way for yourself and your loved ones.
Let Your Loved One in Recovery Lead
One of the most supportive things you can do for your loved ones in recovery is allow their health journey to be theirs. That means supporting their new habits without prying and allowing them to share as much or as little as they want.
“Don’t call them out or force someone to talk about it,” Herrmann says. “If someone is at a special event and you notice they’re not drinking when they usually do, let it be. Don’t make a big deal about it.” Constant attention, even well-meaning, can sometimes feel like pressure or criticism. “Do your best to act ‘normal,’” Hermann says, “whatever normal looks like in your family or social circle.”
Allowing a new foundation of trust to grow often requires giving people space and respecting their boundaries.
Be Encouraging, Not Punitive
Recovery isn’t always linear, and it’s common for people to have an alcohol-related slip or setback. If that happens, remember that punishment and shaming usually hurt more than help. Instead, focus on safety, honesty and next steps.
For example, if your loved one wears an alcohol monitoring bracelet and you’re one of the third-party administrators, tread lightly if you receive a notification indicating that the person may be drinking. Herrmann suggests saying something like this: “I see there was an alcohol event. Do you want to talk about it? Is there any way I can provide support?” She also recommends giving the person a chance to re-test in case the wristband’s sensor was accidentally set off by an alcohol wipe or hand sanitizer.
If the person did drink after committing to stay alcohol-free, Herrmann recommends getting your support team together to discuss next steps for getting back on track. Your loved one might choose to call their sponsor, see their therapist, attend a peer-support meeting or consult with another health provider. Responding with calm concern instead of anger helps keep communication open and reinforces that recovery is about learning and resilience, not perfection.
Learn More about Alcohol Monitoring to Support Recovery
If you think your loved one could benefit from the SOBRsure wristband for continuous alcohol monitoring, visit our product page to learn more.